As a single mom, I have certain protections. A divorce decree, a legally enforceable visitation schedule, state-mandated child support etc. There’s one guy involved, which means I chase one person, not two or three, for enforcement if he’s being hinky or slow.

Believe it or not, adults are not interchangeable in children’s lives, so a “well, as long as someone shows up” notion about custody is hurtful. If I were part of a poly family and we broke, I’d need to be coordinating schedules for *all* of us. And if all those involved were actually parental figures, *all* would have to be willing to step up financially. And we would *all* need to be committed to getting along to finish raising the kids after the split. Otherwise it’s just irresponsible adults drifting through, which isn’t a good thing in a kid’s life.

Raising children after divorce is *hard*. It’s hard for two, re-coupled or not. Raising children after a poly split might involve six or eight adults, or more, and they’d all need to be committed to behaving well and being there in practice, regularly, for the kids.

My guess is that the research that’s being done is done on intact poly families, not families after the split. I’d also guess that after most splits, the kids go off with the biological moms, who retreat to their own coupled families for practical, emotional, and financial support. At which point suddenly they kids taken out of a wash of “big and poly is great” propaganda, and feel profoundly lonely, with nothing to help them in the transition. More than most kids, I bet they feel they’ve lost their families, including siblings.

I’d say that if you want lots and lots of people in a kid’s life, better to stick close to your family. They might annoy or take off, but in the end they’re unlikely simply to disappear.