Was she disposable? No more than any lifelong friend that you love. Our marriage always came first and she knew that without having to discuss it. After the first 13 years she solved her desire for a security net and went online to find a guy who would be OK with her splitting her time between their marriage and our relationship. She found a doctor and we were only told that they had an arrangement and please do no ask any questions as she wanted to keep the two relationship separate, which she did to a large extent for the next 23 years.

Technically if it came down to her or our marriage, we would choose our marriage and eventually had to. We always thought that we would move and retire to grow old together. We went first and bought a retirement home. Our girlfriend followed and found a nice home a few blocks away from ours. Then one day she called to tell us that her husband had invested all of their funds, even the proceeds from the sale of his practice, in one of those highly publicized ponzi schemes that were exposed during the lat recession.

We already had moved and could not afford to move back. She wanted to come and live with us, leaving her husband behind as it was pretty much a marriage of convenience and we suspected he was bi but mostly gay. The problem was that she had a 35 year old son that had no mental or physical handicaps but was still supported and raised by her. She enabled him so that even if he got a job, he would quit the first time he was criticized or it got too hard. She provided him with everything. It may have to do with the fact that she was secondary in our life and married to someone she was fond of but did not love. Her son was the only thing she had all to herself but she ruined his life and did not see that. The guy never learned all the social and business skills that most of us learn over the years.

We refused to have a 35 year old man who is still reliant on his mommy, living in our home so we had to tell her no. Her husband was insisting that she give him her own nest egg from her inheritance to invest and she did not want to. In the end she gave in to her hubby because no one wanted her with her old son; not even her family. So we were willing to grow old and die together as we had always envisioned but when it came down to it, we chose our marriage and cut her loose. We would have gladly had her live with us without her son but she was not even willing to have him live in a nearby apartment. Weird relationship going on there.

So we had a great 40 years but are enjoying monogamy too. We did not realize how much our girlfriend fulfilled for each of us that we could not fulfill for each other. Her departure forced us to tell each other the hard stuff that we never said for fear of hurting each other’s feelings. Now we had to communicate and by doing that we adjusted our behavior and are finally “enough” for each other. We still would like another women to join us in bed since that was our normal sex for so long, but we would not want her in our life.

there is such an Amazing amount of double standards on this issue.

I suppose you might say my wife and I fit the description of unicorn hunters and we certainly aren’t ashamed to admit it.

however we are ashamed to admit that it’s a little disgusting people make up our minds and other couples minds for us and for them as far as our intentions go with our marriages and relationships that we allow other people into.

every good thing that is natural that is married couple with take their marriage into consideration before somebody else that being said you would think the person that they’re looking for with take extra care to be sure that that’s the type of relationship she wants. If she can’t respect other people’s marriage boundaries perhaps she shouldn’t involve herself since some of us put it all out on the table and will happily walk away if there can’t be an agreement.

My wife and I have had many triads before and it was never something much girlfriends couldn’t do without me or me without them. We all loved each other when we wanted and how we wanted.

If there were issues we spoke up about it openly and honestly. In the end, I found that most triads don’t last because the girlfriend wants more from her poly life. Which is fine!

But why are couples like my wife and I under fire for being honest about what we want from a community of people who claim to be sexually open and progressive is beyond me. Unless we’re dealing with radical feminists.

I suppose all in all I’m glad we gave it up.

If we can’t have what we want in our lives with Someone who wants what we have to offer then we’re fine keeping it all to ourselves. ^_^