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1
Poly Communication / Being Honest With Ourselves
« on: April 25, 2013, 06:42:54 PM »
You hear a lot about communicating with your partners.  There is another aspect of communication that people should be aware of. 

Communicating with yourself.

I don't mean standing in the corner talking to yourself or wandering down the street talking to the air.  I mean being honest with your self about how you feel about poly and living a poly life.

Poly is not for everyone. 

There are those in the poly community that would have you believe that being poly is easy.  That anyone who is open minded and willing to try can be poly.  Some say that if you can't be poly, there's something wrong with you. 

Poly is not for everyone.  Some people are happy in life single.  Others have to be with someone.  Some want to be the one and only for someone.  Others can and want to love many people.  There are a few who don't know what they want.

Who are you?

It's important that we reflect on ourselves.  Be honest.  What do you want?  Where are you emotionally?  Mentally?  Is polyamory for you?  It can be scary embarking on a new poly relationship or discovering that your partner wants you to consider the idea of poly.  It can be even a little disconcerting to discover you want to be poly. 

No matter what you may feel it's important you are honest with yourself.  Self reflection is important.  Examine your motives.  Examine your feelings.  Know why you choose to act in the way you do.  Good or bad, honesty is the best policy with ourselves.  Knowing your own motivations can help you.

It can be painful.

It can be scary.

It can be exhilarating and freeing.

"To thine own self be true."  Being honest with yourself is a good first step finding happiness with in your life and relationships.

Be honest.

2
News / Website Update 4-25
« on: April 25, 2013, 11:57:47 AM »
Thanks for your patience.  We've updated the software, site navigation and look.  Now is content on the main site.  We are slowly adding articles on polyamory on a variety of topics.  We hope to have articles written by others soon in the guest article section. 

If you have other ideas to help make the site more user friendly or on content please let us know.  Contact us if you want to write a guest article.  You will be given full credit and can link back to your own blog or site.   

Admin

3
Poly Intimacy / Polyamory and Safe Sex
« on: April 23, 2013, 02:36:33 PM »
Whether you are monogamous or polyamorous, practicing safe sex is important.  When a person is monogamous, they usually have one partner at a time.  We tend to trust that our partners will not have sex with others outside the relationship.   This does make it easier when wanting to make sure that we don't get an STD.  Polyamory is slightly different.

In polyamory, there are multiple partners.  If you are in a closed relationship, then you may have the same assumptions that a monogamous person has.  You will believe that they will not give you an STD and you believe they don't have one when they came together with you.  Short of ignorance, cheating or someone lying, this is a safe assumption.

Those who choose to have an open polyamorous relationship must be more diligent about their safety.  When you have an open marriage or relationship, you can introduce multiple partners.  Again, we like to assume that all is well, but the reality is that not everyone may be as healthy as you.  Against all decency and common sense, some people won't tell their partners that they have an STD.  Some are victims themselves, ignorant they have been infected with anything and blindly passing it on.

Another aspect of safe sex is birth control.  Unless you and your partner(s) want children together, it is prudent to practice safe sex.   There are a lot of myths about pregnancy.  The long and short of it is that if you have sex, you run the risk of getting pregnant or getting your partner pregnant.   No method of contraceptive is 100% fool proof.

For some, polyamory allows them to have multiple sexual  relationships, some casual, some serious.  Don't throw common sense out the window.  Choose your partners carefully.  You are not only risking your own health or future but that of your partners.  They may not have sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but they will have sex with you.  If you get and STD, they will probably get one as well.   If a child is conceived, it can complicate things with your other partners.

If the unthinkable happens and you do become infected, don't let pride or shame keep you from doing the right thing.  See a doctor and get treated as soon possible.  Let any partners who may have been infected know so that they can get tested and treated if necessary.  This is the right thing to do.

Remember, polyamory isn't about sex.  It's about being in multiple loving relationships.  But a by-product of any relationship can include sex.  The more people you are romantically involved with, the more likely it is you will have multiple sex partners.  Be smart and be safe.

4
Jealousy and the Poly Mindset / Changing Our View of Relationships
« on: April 21, 2013, 05:29:04 PM »
I was reading an interesting article by Aaron Ben-Zev, Ph.D, a professor of Philosophy at the University of Haifa.  In it he states how "humans are capable of having sex and loving more than one person at the same time."  A question arises: how to deal with emotional dissonance? 

What is emotional dissonance?  It's when something we feel conflicts with what we believe about our self or when we lie about our emotions.  An example:  We believe that is it wrong to love two people but we fall in love with two people at the same time.  We feel conflicted.  We "know" what's right but it doesn't change the fact we fall in love with two people. 

Ben-Zev states that one way to cope with such dissonance is to change the way we think.  Change the way we think, we can change the way we feel.  Change the way we feel can get rid of the emotional dissonance. 

Honestly, in most modern societies, multiple love is frowned upon.  It's is considered at the least immoral.  We are taught that it is wrong to love multiple people and in some cases are ostracized when we do.  When we love two people we can be called cheaters.  And that hurts.

Alot.

But what if we change the way we think about things.  What if we could look at relationships in a new way. 

What if we believed it is okay to love more than two people?

This is not an easy endeavor.  When society can look down on you, when you friends and family may shun you or when you feel like what you are feeling is wrong...it is not easy.  But if you do, it's a different life.

Better? Worse? No...just different.  Being single...being married...it all depends on you.  It doesn't have to be better or worse...it just needs to make  you happy. 

Be happy. 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/200803/loving-two-people-the-same-time

5
The law and the News / Rush Limbaugh Weighs in on Polyamory
« on: April 21, 2013, 04:28:10 PM »
Going over the internet and saw this article.  What are your thoughts?

http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/daily/2013/03/29/abc_s_wife_swap_mocks_tea_party_promotes_polyamory

6
News / Forum Update
« on: April 18, 2013, 10:52:54 AM »
We have changed the main page of the forum.  It allows us to put hot topics on the main page as well as letting members know of any new information.  The main forum can be accessed by the Forum link next to home or by clicking the link in the Poly Living News section.  We will also be updating the main sections of the forum as well.  We hope to clean it up and to make it easier for members to find info that they are looking for.  Don't forget to see the changes on the main page of Poly Living as well.  It is a work in progress.  Thank you for your patience.

7
News / Website Update
« on: April 17, 2013, 06:56:43 PM »
We are updating everything!  Social links are down to we update the software.The main site is being updated as well.  We are adding articles and such.  If you want to write a guest article... let us is know.  Bear with us.   Thanks.

8
You want to be poly but are new to the whole scene.  What do you need to know?  First, what is polyamory?  According to Websters Dictionary:

"The state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time."

Pretty simple.  If you are in more than one "OPEN" (everyone knows and agrees to it) relationship, whether your married or not, your polyamorous.  If everyone doesn't know and agree to it, it's cheating.  Remember the difference.

Let's start with the different kinds of poly combinations out there.  Which will fit you?

"V" (Married or Dating)
Triad (Married or Dating)
Quad (Married or Dating)
Group Marriage
Open Relationship (Married or Dating)
Swinging
Polygamy
Polyandry

Is there more?  Maybe.  Let me know and I'll update this list.  Otherwise we'll work from this list.

These types of relationships may be closed or open. 

Closed means that there may be multiple partners in the relationship and you are only allowed to be with those partners.  New partners may be added but your relationship is always with those partners only.  Example: Jane, Joe and John are in a closed dating relationship.  They can have sex, go on dates, ect. with each other but are not allowed to date anyone outside their group.  They have a friend named Jill who wants to date Joe.  He can be friends with Jill but can not have a romantic relationship with her.  If the group decides they want Jill as a partner and she accepts, then Jill will stop dating people outside the group and only date people withing the group.  Romantic relationships are closed to anyone outside the group.

Open relationships allows the people to have other partners outside the relationship.  Partners can be with each other and have other relationships that are outside the group or couple relationship.  People may set different guidelines on these relationships.  Example: Jane and Joe are in an open relationship.  They have agreed they can have other boyfriends and girlfriends as long as the other partner is aware before hand and gives consent.  They both start dating Jill.  Jill already has another boyfriend, John.  John also likes Joe and has a relationship with him.  This kind of poly web or poly-cule can interlink and extend in many different combinations and can include any number of people.  They can combine as long term or casual relationships. 

What are you looking for?

A long term partner in an open relationship.

A long term partner in a closed relationship.

A casual partner in an open relationship.

Short term partners for casual sex.

Or something else.  I know some people who have like fetish sex (bdsm or furries as an example) and their partner aren't willing or desire to take part in that aspect of their life.  They allow them to have other relationships so the other person can enjoy that aspect of their life. 

It's important you know what your looking for and discuss it with your partners.  Everyone should be on the same page.  You can avoid misunderstandings about what everyone wants and hopefully have a happy and healthy polyamorous relationship.

9
Practical Poly Advice / Don't Lie
« on: March 20, 2013, 09:48:52 PM »
You want to be poly...you want a girlfriend, wife, boyfriend, husband or maybe just a friend with benefits.  What ever your motivation, don't let your desire override your common sense.  Some people may be excited when they meet someone but they end up having differences...so they lie.  They lie for any number of reason...fear of loss, wanting to click, impress the others or worst case scenario, they are up to no good.  Don't be that person.  A relationship must be built on truth and trust.  People can grow together, learn and change together; that is different than becoming something else in order to draw a person into a relationship.  Once the truth comes out, it can lead to all kinds of trouble.  Love them for them and let them love you for you.

Don't lie. 

10
When Poly Families Split / Sometimes You Can't Go Back
« on: March 17, 2013, 06:46:59 PM »
When a poly relationship ends, there can be many reasons.  Some may be good reasons.  Some may not be.  Regardless, when it happens, sometimes you can't go back.  You can't change it, you can't fix it.  It's over.

You must move on.

Don't go after your ex...don't be vindictive or petty.  You may think you were wronged.  They may think they were wronged.  It doesn't matter.  What matters is that you move on.  The moment you start writing the nasty email, angry text, vindictive blog or just start bashing each other all over the internet, you start a cycle that can be very hard to break. 

You can tie your self to pain and negativity.  Don't do it.

Move on. 

Sometimes you can't go back.  You can only go forward.

11
The Brutal Truths / On Being Poly
« on: March 17, 2013, 06:19:02 PM »
Being poly is not easy. 

I know...I've been poly 15 years.  I love my spice.  In that time we have had many ups and downs.  Sadly, for us, many of our issues would not have occurred if people didn't try to control our lives.  We had so much added stress from people trying to take our kids, separate us, jail us and more,  that smaller issues...issues we should have worked through easily weren't so easy.

We were new.  We had no no conception of what being poly was.  Jealousy, fear and confusion were part of our lives.  So we learned...the hard way...trial and error.  We're still learning. 

It's funny.  After 15 years you would think we would know what we needed but that's not true.  As we learned, we changed.  With each joy, each hardship we learned...and changed. 

I am not the same person I was 15 years ago.  Hell, I'm not the same person I was last year.  I don't say that flippantly.  So much has happened that I can not help but change my views, perspectives and beliefs.  Am I better?  Worse? 

I am me.  That's who I know now.  Me in the here and now. 

I am me...polyamorous and prepared to face my future.


12
News / Forum Software Updated
« on: March 17, 2013, 05:47:37 PM »
The forum software was updated today.  We know there have been some errors in the past.  Hopefully this will fix that.  Let us know if you have issues.

13
Poly Living Arrangements / Intentional Families
« on: June 25, 2012, 11:42:29 PM »
When people choose to create intentional communities or families, what is the best way for them to form a home?  Large family home, giving everyone family space?  Or maybe seperate homes with visiting between families or communities?  Something else?

Admin

14
Ethical Scenarios / When a Break Up Happens....
« on: June 25, 2012, 11:34:05 PM »
You have a triad, any combination.  Two of the partners decide they don't want to be together anymore, but the third still loves both.  How should the third person handle it if one of the other partners decides to leave?

Admin

15
Ethical Scenarios / Open Relationships
« on: June 25, 2012, 11:19:06 PM »
In this day and age, polyamorous people can form many different types of families or polycules. They can vary from poly-fidelitous life long relationships to open marriages to swingers.  In the type of relationships where the partners can date other people, how does a couple or individual protect themselves from the possibility of STD's.  The more partners one can have who in turn may have or had multiple partners, increases the chance of STD's.  How should this be handled?

Admin

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