Author Topic: Season four - Cults  (Read 3343 times)

Offline Natja

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 137
    • View Profile
    • A Polyglot
Season four - Cults
« on: December 12, 2012, 07:46:19 AM »
You know I can totally see why some of those young people are so jaded about Polygamy, if you had seen only that side of it from those isolated communities is terribly abusive and you can hardly blame them for their cynicism.  But, one thing that bothered me was when one of the girls said 'That jealousy thing, to me that proves that Polygamy is a bad thing' (I am paraphrasing but that was the gist).

It does show a very naive belief in the power of monogamy.  I don't know if it is ever possible to even have any sort of intimate relationship without jealousy being an issue at some point, mono or poly.
It is just that society feels it is incumbent on the person who has caused (unwittingly or not) the jealous feelings of their partner to curb the behaviour that caused the jealousy (unless of course said behaviour is deemed by social  rules to be innocuous, in which case there is something wrong and possibly abusive in the nature of the accuser). 

I have felt the weight of a monogamous partners jealous feelings from such things as mild flirting over beer to saying that I thought Johnny Depp was good looking (I kid you not). 

Monogamy is no fail safe way to avoid jealous feelings and just seems to rely on people controlling behaviour imposed by outside society.

No one ever seem to consider that jealousy is not a good thing and an example that your partner is acting badly, it is actually a negative emotional reaction that should be worked on if you feel it not avoided at all cost.

I just don't understand how there is such public acceptance about such a negative emotion?  I am very embarrassed by the jealousy I have expressed in the past, I feel it as a personal failing, I certainly would not want to humour it in others, but society humours it and this girl has brought into the idea that someone making you feel jealous is not a challenge to get through but actually a failing of the relationship model..

Any thoughts?


Offline Administrator

  • Administrator
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 189
    • View Profile
    • Poly Living
Re: Season four - Cults
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2013, 09:04:10 PM »

Any emotions is normal.  It's how we choose to react on those emotions that become positive or negative.  I like to think of emotions as indicators of our emotional well-being.  If I feel jealous, it indicates to me that I need to explore inside myself as to why I am feeling that way.  I know it is not always my partner/s' fault that I feeling jealous.  Sometimes, I am struggling with something internally, or I have an unmet need that I have not voiced properly. Other times, my jealousy is based on the relationship I do or do not have with my partner's partner.   If my relationship with Jadez and Antony is going well, then I do not feel jealous when they spend time together.  However, when my relationship with either of them is lacking, then jealousy will rear its ugly head.

However, I do agree that our society tends to see jealousy more positively than it should.  It definitely never feels good. In fact, I've heard of men and women alike who find it funny to make their partners jealous because to them it indicts "true" love.  I think this is rubbish, of course.  True love would not try to provoke jealousy purposefully because it is extremely painful to the bearer.  I work really hard to diminish and may be even totally remove my jealousy one day.  Is it possible?  I do not know.  I know there are some people who say they never feel jealous, but I do not know if they are truly being honest with themselves or me for that matter. 

Any other thoughts?
Reaching others with the polymindset more and more everyday!