Author Topic: questions to ask yourselves  (Read 3192 times)

Offline TamBabs

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questions to ask yourselves
« on: April 04, 2012, 08:44:15 AM »
These questions were in a post a long time ago. We used them as a means to learn more about ourselves and our motives for wanting a poly life.

How long have you been married? How many children? How many do you want? What do you do for a living?
For fun? How long were you married before you had children? How do you handle conflict? What was you last big disagreement over and how did you handle it? Are you happily married? (Sounds like a dumb question, but not really. If there are problems in a relationship, then bringing in a SW isn't going to make anything any better.) What makes you happy? What led you to polygamy? What makes you feel its right for you? How do you feel you can adapt to the emotional requirements of all parties with another woman in the house? Who first brought up poly, and how did the other spouse initially react to it? What do you feel are the pros and cons to it? What kind of parenting style do you have? How do you intend to use discipline in your family? Are you "out" at some level?How would a SW be introduced, as a family friend, caregiver for children, etc.? What about at family celebrations, birthdays, holidays, where extended family is more than likely to be present? Education beliefs/desires----what are yours? Religious beliefs/practices?
What kind of household do you have? Is there a chief decision maker, or do all adults have an equal voice in making decisions that affect the family as a whole?
Some practicalities:Living and employment arrangements: Would the SW need to work? If it wasn't necessary, could she work outside the home if she wanted?
Do you have enough room to accommodate the addition of a SW. Sleeping arrangements, in the beginning, as time goes on and so forth. What about fiscal responsibility? Long term, down the road type of things, in case of passing on earlier than intended. Will there be provision for the SW/second widow and any children that come of that union? What is your day to day life like?
For her:What do you see as things you personally would gain by bringing a Sister Wife into your family? What do you see as things you would gain for your hubby by bringing a Sister Wife into your family? What kinds of things do you like to do-just for yourself? What are you looking to share with a SW? What are some of your pet peeves about your spouse? People in general: what bugs you? Do you feel that you will be able to accept the first time "your" child calls another woman Mommy? What about sharing household responsibilities? Sometimes a person can get territorial about having things 'just so' in her kitchen, laundry room, etc. You might sometimes feel that another woman would make life easier, but there are still new changes and a new personality to consider. What do you think will be the hardest adjustment to make? What have you considered to try and make that adjustment easier?  The biggie: Sharing your husband, seeing him hold, touch and embrace another woman. Have you thought about how you might feel seeing your husband with your SW sharing a kiss, or more? And how would you deal with it? Some longer term things: How would you feel if and when your SW became pregnant?Think here about any community reaction to hearing that he has fathered a child not with his "wife". 
For him:Do you feel that you can honestly handle two or more wives? Can you commit to creating enough time for each of them, and both of them together? 
Can you see to their emotional needs as well as their comfort and physical needs?