Every relationship is separate, even in polyamorous relationships. The relationship and dynamic that the first wife has with her husband is different and separate from that of his boyfriend/girlfriend/co-husband/plural wife. Even when couples form a triad or quad, there is still the individual relationship that one person has with another.
Do you think it is okay for a husband to lie to his wife if he is protecting the confidence of another wife or girlfriend (or even other partner)?
For example, let's say that the husband took the first wife out to a romantic spot on the lake in the woods. Years later, he takes his wife or girlfriend out to this same spot and makes love to her there. The second partner asks that the night and moment they shared stay between them, and the husband says "okay". If the first wife asks, "Have you taken so-and-so there", should he say "NO" and lie to his wife?
This is a very sensitive subject and I have talked to married poly women, potentials and husbands on this matter.
In a poly relationship, you have to look at how a husband or wife treats you and situations. Let's say the first wife came to the second wife and said, "I was talking with hubs, and he said this about his feelings and that he wants this or that". What if the first wife makes a habit of talking about private conversations she has with her husband. Do you think that the second wife will feel that the first will keep her confidence if ever needed?
Here is another scenario:
A first wife has a unique sexual relationship with her husband. When the second wife enters the marriage and starts having intimacy issues with the husband, she recommends spicing things up in the bedroom and goes through a list of things to do with him. When she asks him if he has done this or that (not necessarily with another wife--just anyone or anytime in general), he answers no, even though on most of them, he has done them with the first wife. He knows his first wife wanted this kept between them so he lies to his other wife about his experience to protect her confidence.
In my opinion, sometimes in any relationship, lying is a cruel necessity, whether that relationship is an intimate one or not. Keeping confidence of your partners creates trust and love. When they are ready to open up to the other partners and let them know about what was kept confidence, that should be their business.
I know that some people do not follow this philosophy, and make all information and happenings of information of each relationship available at the ready for every other partner in the marriage; however, airing out private matters can make people feel like "dog meat", as one 3rd wife put it when I talked to her days ago on this subject.
Write in everyone! Let's get some perspective going.