November 21, 2017, 01:45:13 AM

Poll

Both of the poly families on the show mentions they have a set of poly rules that each individual member helps to create and is expected to follow.  Is a set of poly rules a good idea?

No
0 (0%)
Yes
0 (0%)
Maybe
0 (0%)
It depends
2 (100%)

Total Members Voted: 2

Author Topic: Poly Rules  (Read 2201 times)

Offline Administrator

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Poly Rules
« on: July 18, 2012, 12:11:35 AM »
With your answer, please also post your reasoning for your response.
« Last Edit: July 18, 2012, 12:13:47 AM by Administrator »
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Offline Natja

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Re: Poly Rules
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2012, 04:14:06 AM »
I believe we should have rules to be honest with one another, to not be shifty or deceitful.  To communicate our problems, concerns and stresses in one way or another.  We should have rules about being committed to personal growth.

Everything else, as Rabbi Hilliel said, is commentary......

Putting limits on love and expressions of love is, as far as I am concerned, an emotional crutch to pander to insecurities.  Not that people may choose to not do so for a limited period.  I know I was a psycho hose beast back in the day and I was eaten up with insecurity, but it should not be made into a rule because rules do not allow people to develop or grow.  It is enabling and gives a false sense of security.

I don't believe that people should be battered to submission by being told to deal with it, to be honest it is more than likely to be counter productive anyway.  What is better to do is acknowledge the pain and find ways to ease it but also acknowledge that with a better sense of security things will get easier, making firm rules I believe, always ends up with someone being 'at fault' or 'the baddy' for wanting to break or change 'The Rules'.

No one is going to want to break or change the rule to be respectful, kind or loving to one another and so.....those are my kind of rules.... :)

Natja
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Offline Bud

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Re: Poly Rules
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2012, 06:44:32 AM »
Rules are made to set boundaries and I think we all need boundaries to live with one another.  However, rules and boundaries shouldn't be used to be oppressive to anyone's personal growth, be it spiritual, emotional, physical or otherwise.  Rules greatly depend on the maturity of the individuals and hopefully we all (ideally) can set our own rules and boundries for our own betterment.  Rules to live by have been around since the first creatures were upon the earth...certain behaviours were/weren't tolerated.  That is fine to protect the greater good of the family, village, etc., so long as the rules are followed by all in the same manner.  Unfortunately, interpretation of said rules varies from individual to individual.  Toss in life experiences, good and bad, extenuating circumstances (physical or mental disabilities), etc., and said "rules" may not apply.  Yes, I believe there need to be boundaries in poly per se, but nothing set in stone or so rigid it is ungiving...like a tree in the wind, the rules should bend with the way the wind blows.  If the tree does not bend in the wind, it will break instead.  So goes a poly relationship and it's rules...any relationship and rules in general. 

Factor in the different individual's personalities, those with strong personalities may have more influence in setting the rules for poly...this just is not right.  A relationship hopefully is ever growing and changing, so must the rules be ever growing and changing.  What applies today will not apply tomorrow and what works with some individuals will not work with all individuals.

I suppose I prefer the term boundaries as opposed to rules simply because the term "rules" conotates one/some having power over another or others.  Boundaries give us room to grow, rules do not.  I'm all about growth; personal growth and growth in relationships.

Bud
« Last Edit: July 18, 2012, 06:58:18 AM by Bud »

Offline Natja

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Re: Poly Rules
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2012, 01:47:10 PM »
So true Bud, boundaries is a much better word to use.

Natja
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Offline Administrator

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Re: Poly Rules
« Reply #4 on: July 19, 2012, 03:18:17 PM »
I tend to like the word boundaries myself.  It is also the word used in the book Ethical Slut.  In the show Polyamory: Married and Dating though. the quad and the triad refer to their poly rules during times of communication.
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