PolyLiving- Discussing Polyamory and the Poly Life

Brutal Realities => The Brutal Truths => Topic started by: Admin on April 01, 2012, 05:05:44 PM

Title: Friendship: A Novel Concept! AP
Post by: Admin on April 01, 2012, 05:05:44 PM
As you read through the myriad of threads here at Polyliving.net, you will see many, many couples and singles bemoaning the fact that they are having such a hard time finding "the one".  It makes me so sad, and my heart breaks reading these posts. There seems to be almost a desperation in the written voices of these individuals that are trying so very, very hard to find love. That, in itself, is one of the problems.

It is posted in many places on this board that it exists not as a dating site, but as a place to learn, to grow, and to meet like-minded people for friendly discussions. That doesn't stop couples and singles alike from trying to establish instant relationships here on the site, which almost always, in the end, turn out badly and sadly.

My advise? Make friends and build friendships here. Take the time to read through each topic--that alone will take months, as the shear volume will amaze the newcomer. Ponder what you read; ask questions; engage others in conversation. You may find friends here you really click with--that does not mean that you should get them on the next bus to Yourplace, USA to see if there is chemistry! Instead, take the time to build that friendship.

Get to know about one another, just like you would a friend not in cyberland.  When you have built a level of trust and knowledge of the other person (no, not in one day or one week, but after several weeks), have actual "live" conversations.Webcams are awesome--Skype is a wonderful thing! Make coffee or tea or whatever floats your boat, like you were having a coffee date. And here is the thing: build those friendships one at a time. In other words, if you happen to be a husband and wife who are both on the board, it would be most appropriate for the wife to start a friendship. BUT--and this is a big but--don't go into the friendship assuming that it is going to go to the next level! You are both on this board, so you both know that the commonality that brought you here is an interest or curiosity about poly. Wives shouldn't be here trolling for a another partner to marry their husband, and singles shouldn't be desperately seeking a family to join.

If you are lucky enough to live in the same general region, it may be possible to plan visits in neutral locations. Say one lives in Columbus, Ohio, and the other lives in Indianapolis, Indiana. You could plan a weekend in Cincinnati, Ohio, which is about equidistant from both locals. You could go to the zoo, visit one of the museums, or go shopping--the point is, have a fun outing together! If you have fun, you can plan other visits throughout the year, and eventually, visit one another's homes. Do you see where I am going with this?

Hubby and single friend may not even hit it off. But you have forged a great friendship, and you have one another's support and understanding built in to the friendship--a friend you can't lose when you announce, "I am a practicing polygamist or polyamorist." Or maybe, hubby and your single friend DO hit it off and want to spend time together. Great! Either way, you have built a foundation of friendship and trust. Now you have to keep on communicating. And communicating. And communicating. Build upon that great foundation that you have laid.

Let 2012 be the year of friendship.  See what happens!

Title: Re: Friendship: A Novel Concept! AP
Post by: Dreamgyrl360 on May 04, 2012, 09:33:07 AM
ROFL I didn't read this before I posted my post!! I AM bemoaning over here, bemoan, bemoan, bemoan rofl  ;D
Okay I'm done lol.
Title: Re: Friendship: A Novel Concept! AP
Post by: Deorccwen on May 05, 2012, 03:36:46 AM
Great to see you back, Dreamgyrl!
Title: Re: Friendship: A Novel Concept! AP
Post by: TamBabs on May 05, 2012, 09:29:12 AM
Hubby and I don't look HERE for a s/w... but we DO encourage every potential and anyone else we chat with, to come here. If they want info.... we direct them here. If they want friendship... same thing. This is always our preferred "next step" before meeting. Lots to talk about, awesome conversation starters and points to ponder and consider.

I feel very good about the friends we have here, and we have made a few, and about the information given.

So saying... I STILL want a s/w. I'm not desperate, but I AM lonely, at times. My nearest BFF is over a 2 hour drive away. I have no other friends in our area and my work is not a place where I can discuss poly or meet other people. Many times I don't even get to see my established family! My other BFF is across an ocean from us and many time zones... and I haven't met her face-to-face, but am confident about our friendship.

But phone calls, emails, text messages and skype can't replace a hug on a bad day, or a shoulder when you really need to cry, or a victory dance when something has gone your way. Thats what I crave. Not just to receive, but also to give.

So saying... I met hubby online and I can verify that meeting folks on the internet can be successful for a relationship. Again though... don't rush anything... get to know each other. We took over 2 yrs before meeting. An instant relationship is not what we want.

Sometimes, the lack of a relationship is worth bemoaning about. And there is always that chance that we will never find another. That is sad, and it is worth discussing with our friends here.

Title: Re: Friendship: A Novel Concept! AP
Post by: Natja on May 05, 2012, 11:09:33 AM
Sometimes, the lack of a relationship is worth bemoaning about. And there is always that chance that we will never find another. That is sad, and it is worth discussing with our friends here.

That is what we do all the time really isn't it? Whine to our gfs about it?  When we are single we moan about the lack of good men and when we are unhappy about something in our relationship, we moan....I admit it, I moan all the time  ;)
Nowt wrong with a good moan now and then, especially to people who understand. The important thing is to not to get consumed in our own pity but to enjoy what we have and try to improve what we can.

Title: Re: Friendship: A Novel Concept! AP
Post by: DeeDee on May 06, 2012, 05:59:43 AM
Hi dream! LOL That was quite a coincidence, wasn't it? Great minds think alike, so they say... ;)