PolyLiving- Discussing Polyamory and the Poly Life

Poly Lifestyle => Jealousy and the Poly Mindset => Topic started by: Admin on April 21, 2013, 05:29:04 PM

Title: Changing Our View of Relationships
Post by: Admin on April 21, 2013, 05:29:04 PM
I was reading an interesting article by Aaron Ben-Zev, Ph.D, a professor of Philosophy at the University of Haifa.  In it he states how "humans are capable of having sex and loving more than one person at the same time."  A question arises: how to deal with emotional dissonance? 

What is emotional dissonance?  It's when something we feel conflicts with what we believe about our self or when we lie about our emotions.  An example:  We believe that is it wrong to love two people but we fall in love with two people at the same time.  We feel conflicted.  We "know" what's right but it doesn't change the fact we fall in love with two people. 

Ben-Zev states that one way to cope with such dissonance is to change the way we think.  Change the way we think, we can change the way we feel.  Change the way we feel can get rid of the emotional dissonance. 

Honestly, in most modern societies, multiple love is frowned upon.  It's is considered at the least immoral.  We are taught that it is wrong to love multiple people and in some cases are ostracized when we do.  When we love two people we can be called cheaters.  And that hurts.


But what if we change the way we think about things.  What if we could look at relationships in a new way. 

What if we believed it is okay to love more than two people?

This is not an easy endeavor.  When society can look down on you, when you friends and family may shun you or when you feel like what you are feeling is wrong...it is not easy.  But if you do, it's a different life.

Better? Worse? No...just different.  Being single...being married...it all depends on you.  It doesn't have to be better or worse...it just needs to make  you happy. 

Be happy. 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/200803/loving-two-people-the-same-time (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/200803/loving-two-people-the-same-time)
Title: Re: Changing Our View of Relationships
Post by: Natja on April 21, 2013, 06:20:10 PM
This is a really good article, I am impressed at how well the Polyamory community are continuing to get good press.
Title: Re: Changing Our View of Relationships
Post by: Administrator on April 21, 2013, 09:29:42 PM
I agree Natja it is a good article.
Title: Re: Changing Our View of Relationships
Post by: Bud on April 22, 2013, 05:02:54 PM
Interesting article.  I agree with Antony, not better, not worse, just different.