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Topics - TamBabs

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Renovating / Household recipes - cleaners etc
« on: April 29, 2013, 09:23:46 AM »
I'm renovating a lifestyle and thought I'd post here.

How to save some money and change the way you buy.

First, Liquid Fabric softener.
Vinegar is the easiest solution, adding drops of essential oil for fragrance is optional.

Using essential oil means your clothes can smell as you want them to! If your family only has a bath before bed, then adding soothing Lavender for your towels, makes sense. If your family is the get up and go type, perhaps mint is more refreshing. Maybe its the smell of Lemon that makes you feel clean. Bergamot for men, or perhaps Vanilla is your fave.

I've seen a recipe that uses both Baking soda and vinegar. after they're carefully mixed (they will bubble, of course), add your essential oil for scent, then mix before using, as the baking soda will settle on the bottom. We have hard water, so I like this idea.

The last recipes I saw used Hair conditioner with the vinegar and baking soda, but I think that's too many chemicals for my comfort. Most hair conditioners, use oils that I wouldn't want staining my clothes.

I've never been huge on liquid fabric softener, myself. I prefer a dryer sheet. So I looked up those recipes too.

The absolute easiest, is to take a hand towel, or pieces of cotton, soak it in your liquid fabric softener recipe, wring and dry before using.

I don't know why it needs to be dry when its going in with wet laundry anyways. Maybe using a few drops on a washcloth before tossing it in the load would work too. I need to try this. I know a spray bottle won't work as the vinegar will stop the mechanisms from working.

If you just want to scent your clothing, you can simply add a few drops of essential oil to a cloth and toss in the dryer.

Coffee Break / Thank you, Admins, owners and Mods!
« on: March 02, 2013, 08:45:59 AM »
Thank you to everyone who helped clean up the site again!  :-*

I wish some people would get a life and not hack other sites!  >:(


Sisterwives / Season 4... Housing
« on: November 28, 2012, 01:37:37 PM »
1. Why didn't they buy an old apartment building and just do their own renovations? lol. A 4 storey walk-up with different wives on different floors... or depending on the size, a 2 storey walk-up with 2 wives per floor? And hey... if the building was big enough... they could even rent out some apartments, and live there for free!

2. Do you agree or disagree with the wives all having the same housing budget?

Personally, I don't agree.

It reminds me of when my older 2 children were young and wanted EXACTLY the same amount of juice, food, presents etc. As though if I gave a bit more to one, than I was "favoring" that one.

I resolved the kids issue by telling them if they wanted everything exact, then they would need to wear diapers like their brother. They'd all need to wear the large shirt and pants, since the small one wouldn't fit them. They'd need to drink out of baby bottles, until their brother could drink from a glass. They could only eat as much as their baby brother did, etc.

I helped them to realize that what one needed, they might not... so they each recieved EXACTLY what they needed. They are all loved the same, even if treated differently.

Am I off base here?

News / Happy Father's Day!
« on: June 17, 2012, 09:03:26 AM »
For all the Dads! I hope you have a wonderful day!!

Recipe Exchange and Cooking / The best beef stew! NOT quick.
« on: April 27, 2012, 08:17:24 AM »
So start off with left over roast from the previous recipe. The meat will pull apart very easily. I do just to make it go farther, but it will do more on its own too. Even a tough roast (but not burned) can be salvaged this way. (Just cut into small pieces).

Put it in a slow-cooker or a roasting pan and any leftover gravy and veggies too! Slow-cooker is the best thing in this case... but you can make it without one.

Chop up fresh onions (Sweet Valeda are best, but use your fave variety, or what's available... even dehydrated). Add peppers (Think colour and make it a variety if you can), peas, carrots, corn, grean beans, (I often use frozen - but broccoli can turn your stew green), zuchinni - diced. Cut potatoes into spoon size pieces. Those with big families... makes them go much farther! Think one potato per person, but half will do too! You can add a tomato if you wish... only one or 2 though.

Add your spices. Again, that clubhouse roasted garlic and pepper is nice, but also add in tabasco (can be mild, you don't want it to be too spicy), soya sauce (to darken, more than to flavor), a wee bit of mustard, worcestershire sauce. You can add a touch of red wine, but you don't really need it.

Cover with water. Set on low (slowcooker), or your lowest setting on your oven making sure it IS on.

This is where its slow... leave it alone for the day! Stir it ocassionally. It should be hot, if not, turn the oven up a tad. Make sure there's enough water. Stir it right before bedtime and first thing in the morning. Yes... you've left it to cook overnight.

Add some oatmeal flour (if you have any), just sprinkle it on with your fingers and stir it in. Otherwise, take out some broth and put it in a small pot - add cornstarch or flour, until it thickens but is not lumpy and return to stew. Add in some Bisto or other gravy mix. Stir until well mixed. This is stew, not soup.

If you like crunchy celery in your stew... add it between noon and 2pm... if you like it softer, you can add it earlier, or if you like it mushy... add it with everything else the day before.

Dinner will be ready by 5 or 6pm. Make some fresh bread to go along with it. Leave the salt alone... it has enough flavors, but if you do find it lacking, each person can add their own. (Soya sauce has salt, as do gravy mixes). Enjoy!!!

I buy items like roast on sale. For instance, when other folks are buying steaks and sausages for the BBQ in the summer, roasts are on sale, so are Turkeys and hams. I buy some and freeze them. Steaks and sausages are on sale over the winter holidays... and so are most fish.

I tell you this, because I generally start with a frozen roast.. but you can do the same with fresh.

I start about 9am. We usually eat about 5 or 6pm.

Now most folks thaw out frozen food, I don't. I take off the plastic and such and pop it into the the roasting pan (leave any strings on it though). A slowcooker is even better! It's during the thawing process that food poison happens... so I avoid it.

Fill the pan with water, about 1/2 way. Trust me. Add your favourite seasonings. Clubhouse makes an awesome roasted garlic and pepper that's easy on my stomach and very flavourful. Others use steak spice, onions, garlic, peppers etc. You can add potatoes and carrots if you wish. Not everyone likes them cooked this way. Now cover the rest of the roast, if possible, with water, but allow some room for the water to bubble. Cover.

Bake at 350F (175C) for an hour, then reduce heat to 250F (120C) for the rest of the day. Check occassionally to make sure there's enough water. (If using a slowcooker, just set it to medium and leave it, if you don't have temp gauges).

About the last hour, take the cover off if it isn't browned. The last half hour, increase the temperature again to 350F (175C)... just a safety precaution. 

This roast will melt in your mouth and fall apart on your fork. The water is awesome for gravy.

If there's any leftovers ... not likely unless it was a large roast for a small family ... save them for the stew!

Recipe Exchange and Cooking / Home-made Spaghetti Sauce
« on: April 21, 2012, 03:07:02 PM »
Much healthier to make your own, and you can store it in quantities suitable for your needs.

In a large saucepan - add:
One Zuchinni - sliced or diced... however you prefer

One very large sweet or Spanish onion or 2 cooking onions (option B for the UK) - diced, sliced or  ground. You can use dehydrated onions if you don't have any fresh handy, about 1/2 cup (100 ml). Onion powder (1tsp or 5ml) is fine too... but avoid onion salt... not so healthy.

One stalk celery, minced finely or chopped. You can use Celery seed(1tsp or 5ml), but again easy on using celery salt.

1/2 to 3/4 cup (150 - 200ml) "Matchstick" or julienned carrots... or one carrot cut as you prefer... remember to do some things differently for texture appeal.

1 tsp. (5 -7ml) oil ... safflower, sunflower, olive or canola are best... or some variation, that includes rapeseed, or flax

1 tbsp (15ml) lemon juice.

Add herbs or spices to your preference such as: oregano, basil, parsley, pepper, tabasco sauce, worcestershire sauce, smoke flavour (very light), jalapeno peppers etc.
(Salt is overused everywhere, so I try to avoid it in cooking)

Add a touch of water (you want it to boil away, or else it will be too runny) and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for about 10-15 minutes, stirring every 5 minutes or so. Add more water, if you need to.

Prepare to peel tomatoes... about 6 large field or beefsteak size will work. Boil water in a small saucepan. Carefully put in enough tomatoes to sit comfortably beside each other without overcrowding. A big spoon helps so you don't burn yourself. After just a few moments, turn over... you'll notice the tendency they have to just want to stay as they are. A few more moments and you can take them out... I like to put them on a plate. Some folks put them in icy water right away. Now the skins will just easily peel off.

You can either dice them in small or large chunks or puree the tomatoes in a food processor or blender. Set aside for a moment.

roughly 1/2 cup (150ml) sweet peppers  - cut the way you prefer... shredded, diced small or in chunks or "julienned" strips. Add color by using green, yellow, red and orange ones. I use my food processor as it only takes seconds, and they're small bits of colour everywhere.

Add peppers and tomatoes to the saucepan... bring to a boil for 5 minutes. Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes, stirring frequently. It's done!

Now... You have 2 choices... you can either put them in jars and process with a "boiling bath", or put in freezer jars, and once cool, pop them in your freezer. Freezer method works great for small families, or when someone has to work during dinner... with individual (portion) sizes.

To boil bath:... put sauce in suitable sized canning jars for your needs, leaving 1/4" at the top for air. I use "snap" lid sealers  - place them on top with the security rings. The rings stop them from coming off in the water, but don't need to be screwed down tight. When jars are filled, place in a large stock pot or a canning pot that has enough boiling water to cover the jars. When you add the jars, there will be water displacement, so make sure you haven't added too much water.

Boil for 25 minutes... take out and let cool. Lids should 'pop' and be firm to the touch before you put away.

Now you have a healthy alternative to all the sodium and preservatives in store-bought products.

Here's a hint... when making a meatloaf... add a small can of spaghetti sauce... and a can of baked beans... puree them and your picky eaters won't even notice these healthy additives.

Practical Poly Advice / would like a fakes, flakes and frauds section
« on: April 18, 2012, 07:39:42 AM »
There are so many scammers out there, that it would be a good idea to have a section so others can learn how to spot them.

Poly Dating / 10 ways to Love
« on: April 10, 2012, 07:27:25 PM »
Listen ... without interrupting
Speak...  without accusing
Give ...    without sparing
Pray ...    without ceasing
Answer... without arguing
Share...   without pretending
Enjoy...   without complaint
Trust ...   without wavering
Forgive ... without punishing
Promise... without forgetting

..... taken from a Facebook status

Introductions / Who am I?
« on: April 08, 2012, 10:14:49 PM »
Child and Youth Counsellor by education; caregiver of special needs is how I earn a living; digger (seeker) of knowledge is what I do in my (rare) spare time; I've been an authorized wildlife rehabber and caring is what I always do and who I am. I'm a wife to 1(Gas), mother to 3, and a young grandmother to 4, with lots of knowledge. I devour books, find treasures and seek family - past and future. I'm a self-taught photographic artist and an author. I also do some furniture restoration. And I'm creative in other arts although I can't draw, knit, crochet or hang a picture straight.

Nice to meet you!

Poly Communication / Fighting Fair and Ground Rules
« on: April 04, 2012, 09:25:14 AM »
MY APOLOGIES TO THE ORIGINAL AUTHORS. I did not cite them, when I saved these for my own personal use.

How do we set up ground rules? Sit down together and discuss what boundaries each of you have. These boundaries need to be added to your ground rules for fighting fair. Here is a sample list of ground rules we have when having a disagreement:

Here is the list of things NOT allowed:
1. no yelling
2. no name calling
3. no belittling the other person
4. no sarcasm
5. no arguing in front of the children
6. no hitting, pushing, or force of any kind
7. no walking out unless mutually agreed upon for a short period of time to calm down and re-coop
8. no ganging up on another person
9. no bossing another person

Here is the list of things allowed:

1. Use "I feel" statements
2. Use clarification statements
3. Hold hands and face each other while sitting down
4. Remember you love this person
5. Remember this person's feelings matter to you
6. Tell the person you love them even though you disagree
7. Communicate to come to a positive resolution that each person can agree with
8. The person not in the disagreement needs to either stay out of it or agrees to mediate if asked to help
9. An argument is a disagreement between people who love each other and want the other person to be happy. The desired outcome is not about who is right or being right. It is about loving each other and coming to an agreement that will make each person happy.
10. A disagreement needs to be resolved at all times.
11. Arguments are not meant to destroy: they are meant to build up and help us to all grow closer to each other.

With these ground rules, we tend to have mostly discussions that do not become violent EVER or that causes two people to gang up on a third party. Our disagreements mostly become discussions that work to benefit all parties because we love each other. Yes, each of us had to change the way we thought or acted, but it was well worth it.
How do we emphasize a point without yelling? Great question! There are several ways:

1. intonation
2. repetition
3. body language
4. Wording
5. facial expression
6. clarifications
7. "I feel" statements

We now understand that these disagreements or ideas for positive change is more about helping each other to be better partners & people. Our way of making those changes is different...I'm reflecting not punishing. He's understanding that I don't have a mental list of all his faults and find him to be a wonderful, loving, helpful partner.
1. Use I feel statements instead of statements that attack and belittle others. Example: "I feel hurt because you said I was acting like a child. To me, this is a belittling statement."
2. Ask for clarification instead of making assumptions or jumping to conclusions about others. Example: "When you said
_____________, what did you mean?" Or you could say, "So what you are trying say is _______________________?"
3. Choose your words wisely.
4. Always remember that when communicating that you are speaking with another human being with feelings.
5. Always act in a way towards others that you would want them to treat you.
6. Never resort to name-calling or belittling.
7. Take the time to truly listen to and understand what the other person is trying to communicate.
8. Listen to others with empathy.
9. NEVER hit, push, or abuse the other person physically.
10. Never yell. Always use a polite calm voice when communicating.

When using an "I feel" statement, we should always have a stated emotion that follows instead of the word "that".

EXAMPLE: I feel frustrated because....
I feel angry because....
I feel hurt because...
I feel sad because...
I feel dismissed because

Let's practice using these.

I feel frustrated because you did not consider my feelings or thoughts on the subject.
I feel angry because you feel you can yell at me.
I feel hurt because you called me baby because I cried after you called me a name.
I feel sad because you did not feel like you could tell me the truth.
I feel dismissed and minimized because you laughed at me after I poured my heart out to you: your laughing made me feel you did not care about my feelings.

Originally posted by SteadFastLove

More information I kept copies of. I really do need to learn to cite my sources. My apologies to the authors

The sisterwife will........
love our husband and need time alone with him,
go places alone with him,
be intimate with him,

The 1st wife (for lack of knowing what to call her) will....
have to adjust to sleeping without her husband and take turns with her sisterwife....
have to share what used to be just her and hubby's home with the sisterwife....
allow the sisterwife to redecorate and make it hers also....
allow the sisterwife to discipline the children....

The husband will....
need to be alone with the sisterwife at times...
want her opinion instead of asking what you think all of the time.....
look at her with the same loving look that used to be just yours.....
1st wife (for lack of knowing what to call her) will....
have to adjust to sleeping without her husband and take turns with her sisterwife.... I'd prefer we all sleeping together, which can also be a huge adjustment.
have to share what used to be just her and hubby's home with the sisterwife.... And look forward to learning new patterns, habits and preferences
allow the sisterwife to redecorate and make it hers also.... I wouldn't dream of taking over and making drastic changes, unless that is what we all discuss together and want. Suggestion and compromise is how I would approach this area. I do agree in integrating the home, or establishing a new home together so it's everyoneís. This is less important to some people, to some it is very important to their well being.
allow the sisterwife to discipline the children.... "Allow" is weird wording to me. Maybe "together we would parent the children." I think that's what you mean anyways
Parenting on the same page is a great idea!

The husband will....
need to be alone with the sisterwife at times... I would prefer "together time" for all 3 or more, but I'm definitely open to those times when maybe one spice isn't around and it's an "opportune" time for the others to be "alone".
want her opinion instead of asking what you think all of the time..... "want her opinion in addition to"? I'd hope the thoughts and suggestions of all would be considered. Not that every decision requires input from all 3 (or more). I see what you mean though. This is a good item on your list. Someone could potentially feel really left out in this area.
look at her with the same loving look that used to be just yours.....Seeing someone else love & appreciate your spouse as you do, and make them happy.

Hubby - continue to love and nurture first wife and make her feel extra special.
First wife and 2nd wife (or more) spend time together. I am writing this from the viewpoint of a possible sisterwife coming into a marriage of 17 years

The first wife will have to adjust to having her closest friend there to love and adore and share their life 24/7
The second wife will have to adjust to having her closest friend there to love and adore and share their life 24/7
The husband will have to adjust to having two women to love and be loved and honored by in return 24/7

Parenting becomes a shared responsibility - it is so much easier to take a step back in a heated moment with a child when that is another responsible adult to assist.
A freshness enters the marriage - a rediscovery, a spark, re-ignition, the dynamic is fired up and there is an aura or glow that only comes with love and passion. This just doesn't have to be in the bedroom, but even with a change of diet / menu, an introduction of new leisure activities.
No doubt there will be ups and downs, jealousy and paranoia, but is that not true of any relationship. Surely if the relationship is strong and sound then communication, honest open dialogue will be your best tool. (I have tremendous difficulty expressing myself verbally when I am bothered by anything, but both partners are very sensitive to a change in my manner and I am encouraged to write whatever the problem is and work it through)

Of course it helps that He is the most understanding and patient guy I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and seems naturally suited to handling two women, six kids and all our girly issues that go with!
* Everyone will need to get used to new food requirements (allergies, likes, dislikes, etc)
* Compromises will need to be made on how things are done, ALL things, from childrearing to cleaning house
* Chores need to be divvied up (for instance, I *despise* folding laundry, and sis hates loading dishwashers, so she does laundry and I do dishes).
* Reality dictates that there are times when one partner will need more time than the other(s)... a family death, the loss of a job, whatever, and everyone needs to be onboard for supporting the person suffering
* The more people involved, the more hiding you may have to do (depending on where you live, etc).
**be willing to share the husband in all things 1. everyone would need their "neutral corners" i.e. bedroom, craft area or something like that to go and think things over when it may not be the best time to talk about a certain issue.
2. the 2nd wife, not sure on what to call her, would have to get used to being not as much a public wife. Its not really like when a cop pulls you over and asks for the ID's for everyone you could be like yeah we are all married and we do this and that. Donít think that would fly. So she would have to somewhat be like the family friend. Unless you joke around with people so much that they are never really sure when to take you seriously. Then you could just be like oh thatís our wife.
3. The main thing of adjusting for everyone involved especially the wives is just the day to day life. Things like they make the coffee "wrong" or they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle not the bottom. The little things that kinda irk people. Ideally these would be discovered in the dating stage but. Everyone has to get to know and work around another persons lifestyle.
be loving toward the first wife,
have alone time with the first wife
go places and do things with just the first wife
share her concerns not only with the husband but with the first wife
be willing to share the husband in all things 1. everyone would need their "neutral corners" i.e. bedroom, craft area or something like that to go and think things over when it may not be the best time to talk about a certain issue.
2. the 2nd wife, not sure on what to call her, would have to get used to being not as much a public wife. Its not really like when a cop pulls you over and asks for the ID's for everyone you could be like yeah we are all married and we do this and that. Donít think that would fly. So she would have to somewhat be like the family friend. Unless you joke around with people so much that they are never really sure when to take you seriously. Then you could just be like oh thatís our wife.
3. The main thing of adjusting for everyone involved especially the wives is just the day to day life. Things like they make the coffee "wrong" or they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle not the bottom. The little things that kinda irk people. Ideally these would be discovered in the dating stage but. Everyone has to get to know and work around another persons lifestyle.

The Poly Mind and Life / Dos and Dont's for poly relationships
« on: April 04, 2012, 09:12:09 AM »
I felt that this was very important and kept a copy of it for myself. I'm sorry, I don't remember the sources, as I'm sure the following is from several people/responses and possibly even forums.

Poly lifestyles add a layer of complexity to the already intricate duty of maintaining an intimate relationship. Just like building a good monogamous relationship does not occur over night or by accident, neither does building a good poly relationship. However, poly relationships add a few challenges of its own, which deals with the poly mindset. A must in any relationship, whether monogamous or polyamorous, is relationship and interpersonal skills. Here are a few dos and don'ts for poly relationships:

1. Don't force your relationships into predetermined or predefined forms, roles, or shapes. Let relationships run their natural course. This sometimes occurs when a couple tries to bring someone in to their previously established relationship. They may try to make this new person fit into their pre-established arrangement. Remember each person is different, and we cannot force another person to fit into our box. Respect each person and who they are, and value what they have to add to this relationship. Each person needs a voice in the relationship. Each person needs to be heard and counted. Furthermore, we cannot expect for a new person to be in an equal relationship with each person of the original couple. 

2. Do understand that your needs have nothing to do with your partner's other partner. Sometimes in poly relationships we want to blame the other partner for our needs not being met by our shared partner. We may say, "If it were not for her or him being in your life, then you would pay more attention to me." Do not ask, "Am I getting what she or he is getting?" Each person in a poly relationship is an individual and has individual needs. Instead, ask, "Am I getting what I need?"

3. Do not keep tabs or score. This is not a fairness game where we keep tallies. Do not say, "Well, you spent an hour with her, but you only gave me 30 minutes. That's not fair!" Fairness works according to need. Don't keep track, or watch the clock. This is way too stressful. Sometimes, our metamour may be going through a crisis, facing a problem, or may need more support and attention at that time. We need to be sensitive to this as long as this support is available to each of us when each needs it.

4. Do ask for what you need. Do not assume that your partners or their metamours can read your mind, or that they know you well enough to know what you need. Assumptions are risky. Even though what you need may seem obvious to you, it may not be to your partners or metamours. When you feel like your needs are not being met, talk to your partners, and do not wait for them to discover it on their own.

5. Don't table a problem or let it stew or sit for too long. When someone hurts you whether intentional or not, do not let it ride or sit. Confrontation can be uncomfortable, but it is necessary in any relationship. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate! Even if the problem is small, do not let it slide or sit. Small problems will eventually turn into a bunch of small problems which makes one BIG issue. Conquer a problem whether big or small as soon as it arrives. Have you ever heard of the statement, "Do not make a mountain out of a molehill." Well, this is exactly what humans do regularly. Handle molehills before they become mountains.

6. Don't assume that poly will solve problems in your already existing problem relationship. Just like some monogamous couples assume having a baby will help save their damaged marriage, some monogamous couples assume adding another partner will also help their relationship. This is a false assumption. Adding anyone else into a hurting relationship only causes more problems. It is also unfair to the new person to bring them into a hurting and damaged relationship. It makes them a pawn. Usually, this new person ends up getting blamed for the problems or for making them worse.

7. Do pay attention to the condition of your boyfriend's or girlfriend's current relationship with his/her current partner. If it is rocky, do not enter the relationship. You do not want to become the person who later is expendable or blamed to be at fault.

8. Don't gang up on another person or take sides. This is destructive.

9. Do become flexible. A person can only be in one place at a time. Remember this and be sensitive to this. Do not expect him/her to be superman/woman.

10. Don't blame poly for all your problems or do not assume that poly is the root of all your problems. Do not say, "If it were not for poly...." People who are experiencing problems in poly relationships tend to point out that because their relationship does not follow the norm that this is the reason that they are having issues. However, even monogamous relationships have these same issues. Many times, monogamous couples have issues finding time to be intimate with one another due to children, jobs, or other interference, but they cannot blame poly because they are monogamous. Poly individuals tend to want to blame poly if their needs are not being met or there is an issue, but really what they need to see is it is not poly that is causing the problem, but the individual circumstance or the lack of communication of needs. Jealousy even occurs in monogamous relationships. Sometimes, the problem is from societal oppression against poly. The problem is not poly though: it is anti-poly.

11. Do pay attention to the way you relate with your metamours. Your relationship with your metamour is vital. Remember if you hurt him/her, you also hurt your partner. Pay attention, acknowledge, care, be conscious of, and try to grow at least a friendship with him/her.

12. Do not make assumptions about your metamours or even your partner for that matter. Remember every individual is different, and each relationship will grow at different paces.

13. Don't assume that being poly makes you better or more mature than others. Do not assume this of monogamy either. Your lifestyle does not make you better than anyone else. We are all equals regardless of the lifestyle choice we live.

14. Do take responsibility for your actions. Be responsible. Remember Newton's law, "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." There are consequences for your actions. Before you act, consider the effect of your actions on your partner, metamour, and any children involved, and then, be ready to accept the consequences for your actions once you do act.

15. Don't dehumanize or vilify your metamours. Remember, your metamour is not a demon, slave, or the enemy. They are a human being like you with feelings, flaws, and quirks. Do not turn them into the enemy or a monster. This only leads to hostility, anger, division, and alienation.

16. Don't place your metamour or partner on a pedestal either and give high expectations for them that they may or may not be able to meet. Just like they are not a demon, they are not an angel or a saint either. They are HUMAN BEINGS just like you. Do not believe that they are better than you, and thus, think that they deserve better than you. Do not imagine that they are more attractive than you, better in bed than you, more intelligent than you, funnier, or a better human being than you. Do not believe they are worth more than you. You are equals! Do not devalue your self. Just like tearing them down will not make anyone happier, tearing yourself down will not make anyone happier either. This only leads to jealousy, resentment, and bitterness.  Work towards self security.

17. Do treat your partners and metamours with respect.

18. Do not look to your relationships to define or validate your sense of self worth. If you look to your relationships to define your sense of self worth, then your self worth will always be tied up in the type of relationship you hold with others. This is dangerous. You worth depends on you. You are an individual with an identity that exists outside of your relationships. Your relationship does not describe your worth or value in this life. You need to value yourself first before entering any relationship because there is a major difference between a person who WANTS to be in a relationship and a person who NEEDS to be in a relationship. If you value yourself, then this self value frees you from dependence on others.

19. Do not sacrifice your own happiness for your partners, metamours, or children. A poly relationship should serve the needs of everyone involved. If your partners and metamours care for you, he /she will not want you to sacrifice your own personal happiness for his/hers. He/she will not be happy if you are miserable. Sacrificing yourself for the expense of the other will lead to a co-dependent relationship. This is destructive.

20. Do accept change and don't fear it. Remember that relationships change just as individuals change. No relationship will stay the same forever especially if it is healthy it will grow and mature.

21. Do know yourself. Know what boundaries exist for you. Know what you need, and know what will make you happy. Know what you have to offer others also. In knowing yourself, others can also know you. Remember, you deserve to be happy and loved.

Poly Communication / Conversation starters
« on: April 04, 2012, 08:55:51 AM »
Sometimes we wonder where to start. These questions are for fun, but they will also tell you about the person(s) you are connecting with.

Firsts and favourites.
1.What was your FIRST job?
2.What was your FIRST car?
3.Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
4.Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
5.Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane?
6.Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
7.Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
8.What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
9.FIRST foreign country you've been to?
10.FIRST movie you remember seeing?
11.If you had one wish What would it be?
12.Did you marry the FIRST person to ask for your hand in marriage?
13.What was the FIRST sport that you were involved in?
14.What is the FIRST thing you do when you get home?
15.What is your favourite TV show?
16.If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
17.What did you have for breakfast?
18.What are your favourite clothes?
19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
20.What did you want to be when you were little?
21.Favorite Pizza Toppings?
22.Favorite Flower?
23.Favorite ice cream?
24.Coffee Drinker?
25.What was your favourite vacation?
26.What did you want to be when you grew up?
27.Who is your fave author/genre (category) of books?
28.Whats your favourite genre of movies?
29. Whats your fave genre of music?
30. Whats your favourite colour?

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