For over the last 13 years, I've lived in a poly relationship which took different forms at different times. During this time, my birth family, former church, and former friends have held various myths about my poly relationship. Due to these commonly held misconceptions about poly, these people have inflicted undue pain on my family. Now, it is important to note here that these are the myths that I have recognized from people in my life, so some of you may have seen other myths. If you have please write a post here about them because we would all love to learn from one another. Here are the myths.
1. We will abuse our children or have sex with our daughters because we are poly. Seriously? Saying that we will abuse our children or have sex with our daughters because we are poly is like saying any monogamous parent who was abused as a child will be an abuser to their children as well. There are many monogamous parents who abuse their children or have sex with them, but we are not making these claims about all monogamous parents as people are of poly parents. In fact, statistically since there are more monogamous relationships there would be more child abuse taking place in monogamy.
2. We are cheating on one another. Since we talk to each daily about our relationships and each of us know that we are having other relationships, we are not cheating. We are honest with one another. In our vows, we never agreed to be each others "one and only", so we are not breaking our vows, so it is not betrayal to have other relationships outside of our marriage.
3. Antony tricked us ladies into this poly relationship with him: he has brainwashed us. I'll admit this one makes me laugh the most, but it also offends me the most because these people assume that I am ignorant to be brainwashed or tricked into this type of relationship. It insults my intelligence! I have a genius IQ, and I have not been brainwashed. I made an adult choice to be in a consenting relationship with Antony and Jadez, and so have my metamours. Frankly, I lived monogamously before this relationship with my religious and abusive ex, and well, I was more brainwashed then with my religious beliefs which held me to an abusive patriarch. Of course, my religious birth family, former church and friends thought I should stay in an abusive marriage and pray for my ex husband to change. And they think I am brainwashed to be in a non-violent loving poly relationship when they think women should be subjugated to their husbands and stay in abusive relationships?
4. We practice unsafe sex with many people. This one also makes me laugh. Currently, I only have sex with my two current metamours, Antony and Jadez, and sex only stays within the three of us for all of us. Now, we have had two other female partners who have left, but those were polyfidelitious relationships and condoms were used. For us, safe sex is vital.
5. It will harm the children. How is having three parents who love all of are children harming them? Our children have three parents who support them, and again how is this harmful? Neither of us would do anything that would harm any of these children. We take parenting seriously. Our children each of five other siblings who love and support them. So again I ask, how is this harmful to our children? I did not realize more love and support was harmful?
6. Poly people must not feel jealousy. Wow! i did not realize I was inhuman! Of course, I get jealous sometimes. Poly has taught me a lot about myself and about relationships in general. I use to think that metamours somewhat owned one another due to my religious backgrounds, and now, I realize thanks to poly that no one owns anyone. I have learned to love more fully. When I feel jealous, I begin to examine myself to figure out why. Usually, it's because some need of mine is not being met, not because my metamours are bad partners, but because I have not communicated my need. Once, I communicate my need, my metamours who love me work to meet my need. If anything, poly has made me a better person.
7. We are immoral or unethical. Most of my religious birth family and friends believe this to be the case. Honestly, this is also extremely offensive. In fact, I hold a very high standard of morals. I practice tolerance at all times. I believe in honestly. I love unconditionally and forgive those who others would consider unforgivable. I believe in the right to privacy and happiness for all citizens. I believe in the individual's right to freedom as long as they do no harms to others. I consider others people's emotions, and I think before I speak. I value others, life and communication. I work in an occupation that helps others. I value the opinion of others, especially my children and metamours. I have also chosen metamours whose values are close in-line with mine as well. On another note, I also believe in God, not that you must believe in a god to be ethical, but these people who claim that I am unethical or immoral believe in the same God as I do. In fact, strange enough, I taught many of these people about God.
8. Since we are married, there really is no room for others. Clearly, this is not true even for monogamous people, who have friends and family with whom they spend time with. The only difference is the sexual component. My best friends, Antony and Jadez, are also my lovers. Not only do I have time for them, but I also have time for our children, work, and other friends and family. surely, I can have other loving relationships and still have a great marriage because I do.
9. We are stupid to share. Wow! I honestly had a parent tell this to me. This parent told me I was stupid to share my husband! Stupid! I was appalled! Here, they have taught me since I was small to share. LOL! And well, now I am stupid to share! And this same parent wanted to call me unethical? Is not calling your child stupid unethical? So what is it? Is sharing ethical or unethical now? How can I share or not share someone if I do not own them? I did not realize having a degree and working towards other degrees makes me stupid? In fact, most of these people who claim I am stupid barely finished high school or didn't, yet to them, I am the stupid one because I share. ROFLOL!
These are the myths I could think of off the top of my head. How about you? Do you have any poly myths to share with us?