Hello Stead, wow, this has given me something to think about, luckily I have been in a writing mood today!!
4. Since we've been poly and successful for many years, we can add another partner and be just as successful.
Well, an existing Poly dynamic needs is as much set in its ways as an existing mono dynamic. It is just like that idea that some couples who start seeking assume that because they have a very good relationship and communicate well with each other, than Poly will be easy for them. Poly relationships also set in to defined patterns of communication and therefore adding any new person in will disrupt the existing dynamic.
5. We can always try poly out for a while and see if we like it. If not, we can always just end it.
Firstly we really must be clear with definitions, there are quite a few forms of Poly and there have been instances where people have opened their relationship and then later closed it with mutual agreement and no one else being harmed. This is, of course more likely to occur with people who have a more casual approach to Poly. However, if we are particularly referring to a long term Poly relationship than of course a couple cannot just say ‘sorry bored now, you have to leave’. But of course, let’s be honest. People ‘have’ done that and single women have been caught in the trap of couple fronting privilege.
No one should go into the idea of long term Poly-fi configurations with such a blasé attitude towards the other people involved, I have trouble even disposing of a more casual relationship in such a callous manner, however as long as people are being up front with it all being new to them and they are not exactly sure of how Poly will work for them I can not see anything inherently wrong in the statement itself.
6. If I let my partner have another partner, he/she will love me more
This doesn’t even make sense to me, each love should be independent and based upon feelings towards that particular person, not what liberties they ‘allow’ you. I do feel this is a bit of an extension of monogamous possessive thinking.
I would be interested in what others think.
7. Poly only works if everyone lives together.
8. Poly only works if everyone has their own home.
9. There is only one true form of poly.
It is a very bad idea when people get very fixed notions of what the ‘proper’ way of doing things is, regardless of what works for the people involved. I know it is easy to do, I myself DO have ideals of communal living which drew me to Poly in the first place and yet, communal living with my partners did not work for me. Does that mean a relationship is over just because I choose to live apart? No, relationships are not one sided, everyone has to be happy and enriched within and without the relationships they have. If someone is feeling unhappy and depressed within one environment, it is actually more loving to see if a change of environment can help that person. Sticking to only one form of what is allowable or only the right kind of Poly is extremely detrimental to a happy and healthy Poly life.
Natja
Topic: Poly lies and misconceptions... (Read 13925 times)