Take relationships seriously

[Administrator]

What do you think of this statement?  What does it mean to you to take a relationship seriously?  Can taking a relationship seriously differ from one person to another? 

[DeeDee]

For me, it means consciously and constantly working to improve my relationship(s). To do that, I need to respect the other person, encourage their growth, be a support through good times and bad times, actively listening...it takes effort to achieve the effortless. Does that make sense?

[Administrator]

Yes, DeeDee, it does make sense. I like it!

What do you think though, can taking a relationship seriously differ from one person to another?

[DeeDee]

I think it is a matter of degree and priority. For example, I take my relationship with  my employer seriously, but that relationship is trumped by my family, hands down. My relationship with my family is one I take even  more seriously than my relationship with my employer--more seriously than any other relationship I have.

I know for some people, it is the other way around: family is important, but they put their careers before the family.

[Natja]

And personal expectations really do come into it.  I am pretty sure my exbf, thought he was taking the relationship seriously because he was just around and he felt that is all it takes to make a relationship work, my expectation for a healthy relationships is somewhat different and so, it did not work.
Natja

[Administrator]

Yes, Natja, personal expectations do influence our perspective on taking a relationship serious. 

Do you think discussing these expectations in the early stages of a relationship would be beneficial? Why or why not?

[Natja]

I think it is important to discuss these early, I mean, if you have certain expectations in your life you should be upfront about them, but we must also keep in mind that sometimes either these expectations change, or life can change to the point that these expectations cannot be met easily.

Life changes, we need to be flexible to meet life head on, I feel we must stick to our guns about things that really matter to us though.

Natja

[Deorccwen]

I agree, Natja. 

I think also that sometimes we are not aware of some of our own expectations, until they are not met by a partner.

[DeeDee]

Deorrcwen, you make an excellent point. Often, we assume that our partner is on the same page as we are, and it isn't until our partner fails to meet an assumed expectation that we are startled and say, "What the heck just happened?" That is why having an ongoing dialog is so important. Individuals are so complex and diverse, it is nearly impossible to cover all the bases, so we can be taken by surprise.

Good point, Deorrcwen!

~D

[Administrator]

Sometimes, we do not even realized we have an expectation, but then a situation arises, and we realize we expected our partner/s to act a certain way.  What do we do in these situations>

[Jennelynn]

Sometimes, we do not even realized we have an expectation, but then a situation arises, and we realize we expected our partner/s to act a certain way.  What do we do in these situations>

I think you just have to be honest and open.  Together work through the situation to the best of everyone's ability.  I also think the problem with this kind of advice is often when we are in the situation we have no idea what the right answer is.  Taking no action or making no decision is also a decision in and of itself.

[Administrator]

True Jennelynn....taking no action or making no decision is also a decision.