As you read through the myriad of threads here at Polyliving.net, you will see many, many couples and singles bemoaning the fact that they are having such a hard time finding "the one". It makes me so sad, and my heart breaks reading these posts. There seems to be almost a desperation in the written voices of these individuals that are trying so very, very hard to find love. That, in itself, is one of the problems.
It is posted in many places on this board that it exists not as a dating site, but as a place to learn, to grow, and to meet like-minded people for friendly discussions. That doesn't stop couples and singles alike from trying to establish instant relationships here on the site, which almost always, in the end, turn out badly and sadly.
My advise? Make friends and build friendships here. Take the time to read through each topic--that alone will take months, as the shear volume will amaze the newcomer. Ponder what you read; ask questions; engage others in conversation. You may find friends here you really click with--that does not mean that you should get them on the next bus to Yourplace, USA to see if there is chemistry! Instead, take the time to build that friendship.
Get to know about one another, just like you would a friend not in cyberland. When you have built a level of trust and knowledge of the other person (no, not in one day or one week, but after several weeks), have actual "live" conversations.Webcams are awesome--Skype is a wonderful thing! Make coffee or tea or whatever floats your boat, like you were having a coffee date. And here is the thing: build those friendships one at a time. In other words, if you happen to be a husband and wife who are both on the board, it would be most appropriate for the wife to start a friendship. BUT--and this is a big but--don't go into the friendship assuming that it is going to go to the next level! You are both on this board, so you both know that the commonality that brought you here is an interest or curiosity about poly. Wives shouldn't be here trolling for a another partner to marry their husband, and singles shouldn't be desperately seeking a family to join.
If you are lucky enough to live in the same general region, it may be possible to plan visits in neutral locations. Say one lives in Columbus, Ohio, and the other lives in Indianapolis, Indiana. You could plan a weekend in Cincinnati, Ohio, which is about equidistant from both locals. You could go to the zoo, visit one of the museums, or go shopping--the point is, have a fun outing together! If you have fun, you can plan other visits throughout the year, and eventually, visit one another's homes. Do you see where I am going with this?
Hubby and single friend may not even hit it off. But you have forged a great friendship, and you have one another's support and understanding built in to the friendship--a friend you can't lose when you announce, "I am a practicing polygamist or polyamorist." Or maybe, hubby and your single friend DO hit it off and want to spend time together. Great! Either way, you have built a foundation of friendship and trust. Now you have to keep on communicating. And communicating. And communicating. Build upon that great foundation that you have laid.
Let 2012 be the year of friendship. See what happens!