Communication and Trust In A Relationship - AP

[Admin]

Trust in a relationship is vital.

For most people, trust evolves over time in a relationship. For me, I tend to trust someone until they prove me otherwise.  Once trust is violated in any given relationship, it takes longer to rebuild it, and it may even be harder to regain the trust than it was to originally obtain it in the first place.  Often, lost trust creates long-term damage.

Loving relationships require emotional intelligence, great comminication skills, and trust. 

Trust in a relationship creates intimacy and helps maintain a deep fulfilling connection with our partner. This makes trust central to our relationship's survival and growth. 

Trust means that we must be open, honest and even transparent in our communication and actions within our relationships.  We must learn to always tell the truth even if it may implicate us or make us vulnerable before our partners.   Honestly, this vulnerability creates a more intense intimacy in which we feel totally connected with another human being, and this connection makes us feel utterly fulfilled and passionately loved.

Lying and deceit, on the other hand, makes us feel bad and even unloved, and this leads to feeling disconnected.  Why?  Lying and deception creates a lack of intimacy because no one wants to be vulnerable before someone who lies or deceives them.  This lack of intimacy leads to a severe drop in oxytocin, the love or bonding hormone, within our bodies, and this causes us to lose our connection with our partner due to the lack of physical loving touch.  Studies prove that frequent/daily loving physical touch via intimacy with our partners causes us to bond with them due to the chemical release of oxytocin. However, lack of trust creates lack of intimacy which in turn makes us disconnected.

Steadfast

[Admin]

Hello Everyone,

I have a difficult time building trust in new relationships, but once the ground is laid, I am a friend till the end, so to speak. I have been hurt deeply in more than one relationship in my lifetime, not just friendships but intimate relationships. One thing I have found is I need to "take a break" from the person or persons who have (I feel) betrayed my trust. Often, I journal and alot of healing comes from that for me. I also write very open & honest letters to the person who has broken my trust...even if I never send the letters to the person. This helps me define for myself what exactly hurt me so and why it hurt me so. My healing begins with myself, not the other person. I remind myself that I too am human and I make mistakes and have been forgiven for my mistakes. Due to the fact that I know how much it can hurt to have my trust broken, I do my best not to break the trust of others.

Many years ago my first wife Kate and my best friend Bo had an affair. It crushed me. I literally thought I was going to go out of my mind. It was a double betrayal, as 2 people whom I loved and trusted implicitly, had severely broken my trust. Kate is my oldest friend and both are coming to a cookout at our home on the 24th of September! How is this possible? I choose to see the good in both Kate & Bo and realize they are just as fragile as I. I did not at first handle things so lovingly; I was downright evil, wanting revenge. At some point, due to the help of writing in my journal, I realized that if these 2 people didn't love me, they never would have come to me immediately and told me of their betrayal. They took responsibility for what they had done, even though they knew it would crush me and it might very well end our relationships. Again, we all make mistakes and I guess it is how someone decides to handle him/herself after the mistake is made, is something that makes a difference for me. Was I willing to throw out these otherwise wonderful relationships for them just being human??? No, I wasn't. So I took responsibility for myself and decided to keep the lines of communication open. I believe all relationships have their ups and downs. Kate & I are now into 31 years of love and friendship. It has taken work, but it has been worth the work. Bo & I are celebrating 26 years of friendship....you just can't beat long term relationships in my opinion. And not to leave out my former wife Sue, we didn't make it a year being married but have remained friends for 20 years now.

I must agree with raeshari, the level of mistrust, the depth of the hurt caused, makes a difference in how quickly or not we can/do overcome the hurt/betrayal. Loveablewife also makes some great points. I would love to hear how others may have healed from broken trust or betrayal and what helped them do this.

Best Wishes,

Bud

[Admin]

Bud,

Thank you for sharing your story here with us.  Your willingness to forgive blesses me.  Thank you.

I also write poetry, letters, or journals to help me work through issues.  I have used writing as a tool to work through my issues ever since I was a young teenager.  In poetry, I can use figurative language to pour my heart out.  I have written many letters to people who have injured me emotionally as well as physically, but I have NEVER mailed them to these people.  I do mail these letters to myself and read them when they arrive.  Usually by the time that I receive them, I have already started to feel better and started to forgive. 

I find that writing helps to either turn off or turn down my emotional thought process because it has turned on my logical thought process.  Once I start to actually think logically, I can then begin to work through my emotional pain towards forgiveness. 

Our husband will actually do math equations, such as double digit or triple digit multiplication, and at times when any of us, including the children, are in a high emotional state, he will help to calm us down by giving us math problems to work out loud.  It actually works.

I also practice positive thinking daily.  I use positive affirmations, such as:

The past is gone. I live only in the present.
I live in the now and design my future. The past has no effect on my present.
I follow the principle of live and let live.
As I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others.
As I follow the path of forgiveness, life becomes a new, clean slate on which I can draw my new life plan as I wish.

Each day is a new opportunity. Today is the first day of my new life.
I forgive everyone from my life in the past and love myself into the future.

I move beyond forgiveness to understanding and I have compassion and kindness for all.

I am forgiving, loving, gentle and kind and am safe in the knowledge that life loves me.

These can be found at http://www.self-help-and-self-development.com/forgiveness-affirmations.html.

I find that the more positive I remain in my daily life the easier it is for me to forgive others when they have hurt me.  I have known many a person to hold on to past hurts that others have trespassed against them to the point that they grow ill from being so bitter, and I do not want to cause myself to be ill or bitter.  I realized many years ago that forgiving others helps me more than it helps them because the forgiveness frees me to stay happy and healthy.



Thanks for sharing.  Anyone else want to share?



Blessings,



Steady