April 22, 2018, 03:09:48 PM

Author Topic: When to close the book or change the page?  (Read 2542 times)

Offline Administrator

  • Administrator
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 189
    • View Profile
    • Poly Living
When to close the book or change the page?
« on: November 11, 2012, 02:07:18 AM »



When in a relationship, how do we know when to close the book on one or when to turn the page?
Reaching others with the polymindset more and more everyday!

Offline Bud

  • Global Moderator
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 44
    • View Profile
Re: When to close the book or change the page?
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2013, 04:30:52 AM »
I tend to be a page turner until I hit a brick wall and have no choice but to close the book. (This means the other party has decided to close the book.)  Even then, I keep a bookmark in place.   :-\  It has to be up to each individual in a relationship; where do you draw the line, say enough is enough?  I'm not a good one to answer that, except for myself.  I still maintain relationships with my formers, so even though there may have been times I closed the book, I only set it aside for the furture.  I took a break and rested my weary eyes.  Often, I could later focus more clearly, as could a partner, and the book was reopened.  I am thankful for this and it is to no credit of myself; I actually think it might be a flaw in me that hangs on till the last breath is breathed...literally.

I tend to be faithful and forgive (eventually) as so many have done with me in the past.  I dislike conflict and confrontation, so I look for ways to avoid such things.  Maybe not the healthiest way to handle a relationship, but I am getting a little better at it.

An interesting observation:  I used to be a cat person, loving them for their independence.  Over many years I have become a dog person, loving them for their faithfullness; this mirrors how I have changed over the years and may account for my page turning.  Not sure if that is "growing up" or just getting too old to fight anymore.

In any event, one must determine where his/her boundaries are and whether or not those can be tested, pushed, explored, manipulated, etc.  Some things just aren't worth closing the book over, but I think deep down, we all know when that time comes, if it does indeed come.  It is never easy, but likely offers relief.  Maybe when you close the book, it was just a short story and you finished it.  All things come to an end and it does not have to be a bad thing.  Often it is liberating and maybe even exhilerating, as if a load were taken off our shoulders. 

Does anyone else have any thoughts or experiences they'd like to share?  I know this is an old topic, but feel it is important to discuss.

Hope all are well and turning the pages, happily!

Bud


Offline Natja

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 137
    • View Profile
    • A Polyglot
Re: When to close the book or change the page?
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2013, 08:06:03 AM »
All things come to an end and it does not have to be a bad thing.  Often it is liberating and maybe even exhilerating, as if a load were taken off our shoulders. 

Does anyone else have any thoughts or experiences they'd like to share?  I know this is an old topic, but feel it is important to discuss.
 

I agree with this completely, I tend to be the type that just accepts when things don't work because they just don't and I prefer to remain friendly if possible but it depends greatly on what the other person wants of course, my ex husband never wanted a good relationship  because break up, even one not preceded by great drama, fights or anger equalled permanent enemies.  That is the mindset he has and I can't change it and now of course there has been so much bad blood created over the last decade that we can never be friends. At the end of the day, if someone has decided to take a particular stand at the end, a clean break, rather than waiting for an opening to allow for a change in status, might be best.

Perhaps I just find it easier to close the book and that can seem insensitive to those still hurting, that doesn't mean that I don't still feel disappointed, but I don't tend to be very sentimental either.  In my mind, if a relationship has ended, it is for a jolly good reason, I wouldn't just chuck a relationship away that is working well but if it creates more unhappiness than happiness I don't see the point of clinging to something dying a slow death. 

Natja
Наталья