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Author Topic: A list of things that will change with Plural Marriage  (Read 2793 times)

Offline TamBabs

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A list of things that will change with Plural Marriage
« on: April 04, 2012, 09:19:24 AM »
More information I kept copies of. I really do need to learn to cite my sources. My apologies to the authors

The sisterwife will........
love our husband and need time alone with him,
go places alone with him,
be intimate with him,

The 1st wife (for lack of knowing what to call her) will....
have to adjust to sleeping without her husband and take turns with her sisterwife....
have to share what used to be just her and hubby's home with the sisterwife....
allow the sisterwife to redecorate and make it hers also....
allow the sisterwife to discipline the children....

The husband will....
need to be alone with the sisterwife at times...
want her opinion instead of asking what you think all of the time.....
look at her with the same loving look that used to be just yours.....
1st wife (for lack of knowing what to call her) will....
have to adjust to sleeping without her husband and take turns with her sisterwife.... I'd prefer we all sleeping together, which can also be a huge adjustment.
have to share what used to be just her and hubby's home with the sisterwife.... And look forward to learning new patterns, habits and preferences
allow the sisterwife to redecorate and make it hers also.... I wouldn't dream of taking over and making drastic changes, unless that is what we all discuss together and want. Suggestion and compromise is how I would approach this area. I do agree in integrating the home, or establishing a new home together so it's everyoneís. This is less important to some people, to some it is very important to their well being.
allow the sisterwife to discipline the children.... "Allow" is weird wording to me. Maybe "together we would parent the children." I think that's what you mean anyways
Parenting on the same page is a great idea!

The husband will....
need to be alone with the sisterwife at times... I would prefer "together time" for all 3 or more, but I'm definitely open to those times when maybe one spice isn't around and it's an "opportune" time for the others to be "alone".
want her opinion instead of asking what you think all of the time..... "want her opinion in addition to"? I'd hope the thoughts and suggestions of all would be considered. Not that every decision requires input from all 3 (or more). I see what you mean though. This is a good item on your list. Someone could potentially feel really left out in this area.
look at her with the same loving look that used to be just yours.....Seeing someone else love & appreciate your spouse as you do, and make them happy.

Adding:
Hubby - continue to love and nurture first wife and make her feel extra special.
First wife and 2nd wife (or more) spend time together. I am writing this from the viewpoint of a possible sisterwife coming into a marriage of 17 years

The first wife will have to adjust to having her closest friend there to love and adore and share their life 24/7
The second wife will have to adjust to having her closest friend there to love and adore and share their life 24/7
The husband will have to adjust to having two women to love and be loved and honored by in return 24/7

Parenting becomes a shared responsibility - it is so much easier to take a step back in a heated moment with a child when that is another responsible adult to assist.
A freshness enters the marriage - a rediscovery, a spark, re-ignition, the dynamic is fired up and there is an aura or glow that only comes with love and passion. This just doesn't have to be in the bedroom, but even with a change of diet / menu, an introduction of new leisure activities.
No doubt there will be ups and downs, jealousy and paranoia, but is that not true of any relationship. Surely if the relationship is strong and sound then communication, honest open dialogue will be your best tool. (I have tremendous difficulty expressing myself verbally when I am bothered by anything, but both partners are very sensitive to a change in my manner and I am encouraged to write whatever the problem is and work it through)

Of course it helps that He is the most understanding and patient guy I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and seems naturally suited to handling two women, six kids and all our girly issues that go with!
Add:
* Everyone will need to get used to new food requirements (allergies, likes, dislikes, etc)
* Compromises will need to be made on how things are done, ALL things, from childrearing to cleaning house
* Chores need to be divvied up (for instance, I *despise* folding laundry, and sis hates loading dishwashers, so she does laundry and I do dishes).
* Reality dictates that there are times when one partner will need more time than the other(s)... a family death, the loss of a job, whatever, and everyone needs to be onboard for supporting the person suffering
* The more people involved, the more hiding you may have to do (depending on where you live, etc).
**be willing to share the husband in all things 1. everyone would need their "neutral corners" i.e. bedroom, craft area or something like that to go and think things over when it may not be the best time to talk about a certain issue.
2. the 2nd wife, not sure on what to call her, would have to get used to being not as much a public wife. Its not really like when a cop pulls you over and asks for the ID's for everyone you could be like yeah we are all married and we do this and that. Donít think that would fly. So she would have to somewhat be like the family friend. Unless you joke around with people so much that they are never really sure when to take you seriously. Then you could just be like oh thatís our wife.
3. The main thing of adjusting for everyone involved especially the wives is just the day to day life. Things like they make the coffee "wrong" or they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle not the bottom. The little things that kinda irk people. Ideally these would be discovered in the dating stage but. Everyone has to get to know and work around another persons lifestyle.
be loving toward the first wife,
have alone time with the first wife
go places and do things with just the first wife
share her concerns not only with the husband but with the first wife
be willing to share the husband in all things 1. everyone would need their "neutral corners" i.e. bedroom, craft area or something like that to go and think things over when it may not be the best time to talk about a certain issue.
2. the 2nd wife, not sure on what to call her, would have to get used to being not as much a public wife. Its not really like when a cop pulls you over and asks for the ID's for everyone you could be like yeah we are all married and we do this and that. Donít think that would fly. So she would have to somewhat be like the family friend. Unless you joke around with people so much that they are never really sure when to take you seriously. Then you could just be like oh thatís our wife.
3. The main thing of adjusting for everyone involved especially the wives is just the day to day life. Things like they make the coffee "wrong" or they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle not the bottom. The little things that kinda irk people. Ideally these would be discovered in the dating stage but. Everyone has to get to know and work around another persons lifestyle.

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Re: A list of things that will change with Plural Marriage
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2012, 07:39:48 PM »
Thanks Tam!  Great input!  :)

 


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